Letting Go: A Lesson in Growth and Self-Respect

I am so proud of myself!

When I was working on a 12-week program to share my tips and tricks for focusing more on the positive side of life with others, something happened that at first made me feel as if I was not qualified to do so.

Energy attracts energy, so what kind of energy would I be sending if this happened to me?

Let me tell you the story.

The Unexpected Visit

A woman I have known for about 40 years as an acquaintance, a colleague, and a friend told me she was coming to visit me. I was very excited. Without further discussion, she later sent me her ticket, which showed she would be in Bali for a
month. A whole month!

In a phone call, it became clear that she had no plans. The only thing on her list was to go diving for a few days, and for the rest of the time, she wanted to stay at my house to experience my life in Bali.

I was shocked that she did not discuss her chosen time frame or month, but I said nothing.

When she arrived, she immediately introduced an app on which we could track all expenses. In the end, we would pay 50/50. She did not want me to feel she was taking advantage of me.

I have had several guests who all acted the same way regarding money without ever discussing it. They all paid for outings, like the car rent, lunches, and dinners, paid half of the groceries we would buy, gave me gas money for my bike, etc., and all left me a financial token of appreciation when they left.

This app made me feel as if she thought we were on a holiday trip together.

The Coaching That Wasn’t Helping

From the moment she arrived, she took on the role of my “coach.”

Every conversation seemed to circle back to my past relationship with Mr. B, an ex-partner I had already made peace with. She prodded at my past, opening wounds I had already healed.

At first, I believed she was trying to help. But over time, I realized something unsettling, she wasn’t offering support; she was keeping me stuck. It was as if she needed me to remain in my pain or, even worse, to justify her intentions.

The Ultimate Betrayal

After a week, she left to go diving on another island. Since I knew she would need a good dive master, I gave her Mr. B’s contact information. I was happy she had the opportunity to experience something amazing: she would see the manta rays, and I was sure she would be safe with him.

I gave her some stuff that Mr. B had left at my house and told her to say ‘Hi’ from me to him and that if he would ask to tell him that I was doing great but was still hurting.

When she extended her trip by another week, I was even happier, it gave me space, and I trusted she was having a good time.

When she returned, she talked even more than before about Mr. B and my relationship with him, but her stories didn’t add up. I asked if my name had ever come up in conversation with him.

“No, we hardly had any interaction,” she said.

That didn’t make sense. She gave him the stuff. The days she was diving, he picked her up in the morning and brought her back on his scooter after diving to the place where he and I would always stay. They spent hours on the boat and at the diving school. How could they spend so much time together and never mention me? It felt like there was a pink elephant in the room that no one was addressing.

She told me she had been studying him on the boat while he was taking care of the gear and shared her conclusions, which made me wonder if I had ever truly excited him.

And then, the truth came out.

We had a lovely lunch with friends of mine, who paid for the meal, but she did not even say thank you. That was very odd to me.

After my friends left, she told me she had also been eating vegan food on the island.

“Yes, with Mr. B,” I responded. She looked at me with fear in her eyes and then slowly nodded.

Mr. B had asked her out for dinner.

Right then and there, she should have texted me, and I would have given her my blessing.

Instead, she kept silent and started planning another meeting, not only for dinner but also to be intimate with him. She spent a week orchestrating this new encounter.

I wasn’t upset about what happened between them. I would have been happy for her if she had told me upfront. I was upset that she had lied to me over and over again. She had sat across from me, looked me in the eye, and pretended she was still the same friend I had once known.

Worse, she had spent days asking me deeply personal questions about my relationship with him, about his physique and accomplishments, his kissing and his touch, while she had already experienced all of this herself.

Just two nights ago, she had passionately declared that she could never even think about being with another man because of her twin flame. This man has no interest in her whatsoever, but she has been obsessing over him for years.

Yet here she was, bragging about how she had deliberately created her time with Mr. B.

The contradiction was staggering.

The most baffling part was that it was clear she had planned to do and get everything from Mr. B that she knew I had been craving when I was with him. She succeeded and now subtly rubbed it in my face, even hinting she was a better fit for him.

Choosing Myself

I had a choice. I could engage in anger, make a scene, demand explanations, or try to make sense of her actions. But instead, I chose peace. I chose myself.

I could see then and there that she had a problem, not me.

The following day, I looked her in the eye, smiled, and calmly said, I want you to pack your things and leave.

She tried to twist the situation and paint herself as the victim. But I held firm. I refused to let her turn her betrayal into my problem.

She left without even saying thank you or goodbye. And you know what? That told me everything I needed to know.

The Lesson in Letting Go

I could have let this situation consume me, made it about my worth, or doubted my ability to teach others about positive focus. Instead, I saw it as confirmation that growth is an ongoing process, not a destination.

And OMG do I see the growth in me here.

Sometimes, the greatest act of love we can give ourselves is the courage to walk away from what no longer serves us.

A Reflection for You

Challenging situations will always arise, people will disappoint you, unexpected betrayals may happen, and you may feel momentarily shaken.

But remember, it’s never about what happens to you. It’s about how you respond.

Are you reacting from a place of anger and self-doubt?

Or are you responding from a place of self-respect and clarity?

The choice is always yours.

P.S.

I talked to Mr. B a week after she left my beautiful Bali. This conversation made clear that he is still in touch with her (although she told me she had blocked him and deleted his contact details). Therefore, I know he has zero respect for me.

Not only because of what he did with her, but because when he found out I had kicked her out of my house, he never even checked in to see if I was okay.

Knowing this, whatever romantic feelings I still might have had for him completely disappeared.

Her stay ended up costing me far more money than I anticipated, covering expenses she conveniently overlooked, making me pay half for trips I would have never taken if she had not been here. And yet, she still believed she had been more than generous.

She even told my daughter that her so-called financial contributions to me were enough reason for me to reimburse her for what she had purchased from her.

If there was ever any doubt that I made the right decision to ask her to leave and block her from my life, this was the final confirmation. She has no sense of accountability, no manners, no true generosity, only self-justification for her actions.

This wasn’t about me; it was about her. That realization, and that Karma will take care of the rest, set me completely free.